Should being in Love hurt?

Just in case you were wondering, that is a rhetorical question. I personally believe in love. No matter how many times I was let down and disappointed by potentials; I got back up and brushed myself off again to start over. So my perspective on love is that it should give you light in your world, even if there are some spots of darkness. Your love story should feed the fire in your soul to do better and be better. You should feel inspired by the other person and visa versa🥰. You should be able to find the commonalities that you guys have but also revel in your differences and respect them enough to want to learn why they are how they are. You should want to share your thoughts and enjoy the quiet time. All of those things are parts of love and none of that sounds painful.

Ok, enough of what I personally think. For this piece I decided to interview several people, male and female. I thought that this blog would be all over the place, trying to capture different perspectives. Well, to my surprise, there was one common theme. LOVE HURTS. 

I was not perplexed by this conclusion, but I was saddened by it. There is a saying that goes, “Nothing worthwhile is easy”. But why does it need to stomp on your feelings in the process? 

It hurt my heart when I was told by someone I respect, that the typical expectations of love and relationships, are a figment of fantasy. That was a hard blow. I am a hopeless romantic as I am sure many people are.

After sleeping on the words told to me, I had to come to the realization that many love stories are made of things from the imagination. What many people want is emulated from movies and tv shows. So much so that it makes me tear up to know that what many individuals desire might not actually exist. So in that case, should people just settle? Should they not desire to have the man or woman of their dreams? Or should they just continue to dream? 

TD Jakes said in a sermon, that if someone stops calling or texting you that you should stop expecting their text or calls. He said you stop the expectations to control your frustration. Should people stop expecting to have the love they desire then, to stop from getting hurt? Should the bare minimum of decency go out the window so you can just say you have someone in your life? Should you blindly have no expectations and then get hurt anyway? It’s something to think about. 

For me personally, that would not fly. I am at an age where my love story needs to be about reciprocated love. As a romantic, I believe that there is someone for everyone. That someone will check off almost all of your desired boxes and the rest you can work on as a couple. You can grow with one another and build to make each other better human beings. After all, isn’t that what life is all about? Growing and loving another human being while building a beautiful life together. 

So, love shouldn’t hurt…Love should rejoice, and make your heart smile, your stomach jump with butterflies and your eyes tear up with excitement. Because LOVE, my friends, is a happy emotion, not a sad one. AND it definitely, should not leave you in pieces!!

A word from Hairellacarte, Where beauty, health and wellness lives.