My mind is telling me No!!!!

Head tight, stomach won’t stop fluttering, you can’t sleep and you can’t keep still. You are upset for no reason and you question if people really care about you? You are super emotional and you are unsure of yourself.

I read a blurb on Facebook that said that these are symptoms of mental and emotional exhaustion. Well let me just say that so many of us are suffering from this and no one wants to really talk about it. I am talking about it because I am scared. Scared of what, you say? So many unknowns. Mental and emotional exhaustion seems like a diagnosis you would get after months of lying down on a psychiatrist couch. I am saying thank you to whoever came up with this list of symptoms because it saved me hundreds of dollars and quite a bit of anxiety from not having to go see a therapist. I thought though that this would go away with time. I have had these symptoms for the past three weeks and it worries me, which makes me more anxious and more emotional and it adds on to the already long list of symptoms that I read about. My major anxiety stems from isolation.

I mentioned to a friend of mine that if anything ever happened to me in my house, that no one would know. Even through her reassurances, it did not ease my fears. At this present time we are facing a Pandemic. A threat that has hit the entire world without remorse. It has demanded that we practice social distancing. Well how much more distancing can you do when you live alone? Believe me when I tell you that many like me had the problem of social distancing really being isolation. We depend on the outside world for communication and to keep us sane. When there is no positive communication from the outside world, those in isolation feel panicked and abandoned. Is this realistic behavior? Maybe not, but in reality it happens more often than not, even before this pandemic began. Those who live alone go through bouts of panic throughout their daily lives. They think about dying way more often than people with spouses or families in the household. Should they though? That question is subjective because the mind loves to play tricks on you and will sometimes take you down very dark paths.

At one point I believed that the stress of my over demanding job during these trying times were the cause of my mini panic attacks and all of the symptoms of mental and emotional exhaustion. But after evaluating my sleeplessness, anxiety and restlessness that has occurred over the past three weeks, I realized that even though my job and those in my organization play a huge part in my symptoms, my mind has taken over and allowed in uncertainties and doubts that sat beside me like a giant overpowering my every move. The lack of familiar human contact caused my mind to play awful tricks on me. The lack of my everyday routine held me hostage within my walls of my home. The lack of fresh air made me feel as if I could suffocate inside my living room.

The Pandemic’s narrative caused people to be afraid to even go outside and breath in fresh air for fear of inhaling a fast killing virus. Stay home, they said. Social distance yourself, they said. Six feet apart they said. This caused the isolation of so many individuals who did not have many other options. The one thing they forgot to say is, don’t forget about those who may fall into mental anguish. Those who overthink situations. Those who you may say is overdramatic. What is seemed unnecessary to some is a coping mechanism to others. It’s their safe space, it’s the way they have come accustomed to live. It is very necessary for their mental survival.

I pray, I meditate, I exercise, and none of these things seems to ease my anxiety. I am sure that I am not alone. To all of my solitude brethren out there, I solute you. I am here to tell you I understand your pain and wish that I could magically take it away. Unfortunately, my mind is telling me no…..