Is having standards the reason so many of us are single?
The world of dating sucks ass. Whoever said that single people got it made needs their teeth slapped out of their mouths. It is believed that women hold the power of whether we are single or not. If that were really true, we would all be booed up and I wouldn’t have anything to blog about except the wonderful world of natural hair. But as I see things right now, it is not my choice to be single. The gentleman who have stepped to me don’t fit the bill. They are either married, engaged, has momma issues, or money issues. No thanks, I will definitely take a hard pass on that. It would be different if we were the type of creatures who did not crave companionship. It would be unrealistic for me to write a blog about how great it is to be alone with no one to do things with. Hurray!!!! Get the eff out of here with that crap. I am talking for real. No matter how much success you have in your professional life, as an individual, it is human nature to want someone to share it with.
Now that means something different for each person. I know for me personally, companionship means friendship, someone to call day or night about everything, anything or nothing. Texting is cool, but too much get’s misconstrued in the interpretation of a text. So if it is something important then I need to make that call. I need someone who don’t mind me being quiet when we ride in the car, someone who doesn’t mind a strong woman who knows what she wants and doesn’t mind letting you know what that is. I need someone’s time, and to me that means your undivided attention when you are with me. Not your cell glued to your hand like you work for the president. I need to not be looked at as thirsty when I want to see you three times a week. I know everyone is busy but as an FYI, absence does not make the heart grow fonder. It makes me forget that you exist and gives me the opportunity to meet someone new and move on. I need someone who is not afraid to tell me what they are thinking, including how they feel about me; good, bad or otherwise. I need someone who is interested in my life, my everyday happenings, my funny or scary stories about my students. I need someone who is beyond the games, beyond the lies, beyond the mask. Someone willing to be vulnerable and let their heart hang out with mine and see where it goes. Without the pretense of being anyone but themselves.
I know that is a lot. I know it may seem like my list is too long or that my standards are too much. But come on!!!!! Does standards really mean that my single status will stay just that, Single? I don’t think it is too much to ask for a little decency in a relationship. I want respect and love with someone equally yoked. I know there are brothers out there who also have standards. You can’t have just one person coming to the table to eat and the other person bringing all the fixings. I want a relationship where both of us bring different plates to the table and we build an exquisite meal. Is that really too much to ask?
I don’t usually ask for comments on my blogs, but I have a lot of questions that needs to be answered. I need to have a conversation. This is a plague that is affecting too many people around the universe. If we collectively work together, we can form a plan to alleviate the paths of walking alone.
...December 8, 2019
Let me start by saying I do not have the answers! 😂 however I believe strongly that having standards is a requirement, absolutely necessary. And those standards change with each person. Many woman make finances a priority only to find out later you can have a very dry marriage just paying bills or that there is a lot of love and compassion built under a tight budget. While I think we can all agree none of us will sign up to be in the poor house, we may need to re-evaluate our priorities and what it really means to be happily ever after because trust me if you plan a happily ever after it is very likely some time will be spent in the poor house. Even with a stack of resources and consistent planning and management life happens to us all.
Also, there is a difference between being single and being “on the prowl”. It is unrealistic to believe that each person you meet will be a serious candidate for the position. You will fail every time. Perhaps it requires a serious selection process because not everyone deserves space in your life no matter how their finances balance out or what the relationship between them and their mother is. You may decide you want to see a movie and would perhaps enjoy some male accompaniment. To think because you had a great time enjoying a movie together should make him a candidate for a lifetime together is a bit unrealistic. Some women have a great time and they confuse that good time with a good life. Sadly some men are only good for an occasional movie where they are required to do nothing more than sit and watch 😂
So many variables with this but I think we all, men and women, have to be more mature and responsible with our own feelings and intentions and those of others. A whole lot of folks are not looking for happily ever after and only desire an occasional dinner and some outside of marriage sex, the kind where you split ways afterwards and go back to your own separate worlds with no strings attached and the opportunity to repeat the same damaging behavior on another person the next night.
So yes to standards with some wisdom attached, a bit of flexibility and a dose of realism and perhaps we can all meet up in a beautiful place called happily ever after and God willing it won’t be after we are all a damaged wreck after a slew of hits and misses ♥️