Are you sure you are ready for a grown woman?

Can the real men, not boys, please stand up? When I tell you that the boys that I have unfortunately met in the past few months has been a sad representation of what is in store for this single sis. Oh boy!!!! It is disheartening. Well, let me tell you about the last sad sucker who thought he was ready to step to a grown woman. He started off great. Saying that communication was a big deal for him. So I gave him my time. Spoke on the phone daily, texted often throughout the day. That lasted for about 4 weeks.

Then of course he fell off and started giving excuses. Everything from his phone got cut off to the fact that he was going through some personal problems and couldn’t talk about it. He then gave me the sob story of his most recent break up. I guess people still do that. It was part of our daily conversation. It was nerve wracking to hear the stories. To be on the other end of the phone to feel the venom that came out of his mouth when he talked about her. I often asked myself whether she was really that bad or was he hurt that she put him out and blocked him from seeing her child. Yes, her child, not his. He said he raised her like she was his but at the end of the day, you are just the child’s mother’s boyfriend, not husband. She has a father, so you got the short end of the stick. Sorry!!! Anyway, he talked about it so much that I had to ask If he still had feelings for this woman. I think it was a legit question, even though he said they had been over for two years. I guess he got offended by my questioning so he stopped talking about it.

But then I had to hear all about his sordid past and the never-ending woes me of his non- relationship he had with his mother. He said he never knew her growing up but that as an adult wanted to forge a relationship. I was proud of him at first. Encouraging even. But then the stories began. He let me know that his prior breakup devastated his life so badly that he moved in with his mother. I was like wow, that’s unusual. But who am I to judge? He then started telling me things that disturbed my spirit. I said several times in my head, “Girl run!!!!!”, but I didn’t want to seem insensitive so I listened and tried to be supportive. Here he was a grown man who was aching for his mother’s love so he took her verbal abuse and then took out his anger and disappointment on everyone else. I was like wait. I don’t need to be a part of this. I owe no one anything, and I am not obligated to give my free time as a free therapist.  So, I stopped accepting and making calls, texting, communicating. I deleted him from my phone, with the intention of never communicating again. I honestly thank God for allowing me to dodge that bullet.

Men talk about wanting a grown woman, but I honestly don’t think that most of them know what that means. Grown women do not want to deal with other people’s baggage. It’s just not what we want at this stage of our lives. We want someone equally yoked, not someone still wishing on a dream trying to get their lives together. Yes, I said it. I don’t mind helping you build your dream but it can’t be built on my foundation. You have to have your own.